Gum.

I've started chewing gum. A lot. Not sure if this is a good thing or not.

On the plus side, it's extremely satisfying after eating, and keeps me from eating more, even after I am full.

On the suck side, gum is full of aspartame and artificial flavors.

Jumpstart?

The carnevegan diet has not been supported by others, and I have failed for the past 5 days (I haven't even been thinking about it), but I think I will continue. That is all. Starting tomorrow.

Oatmeal? !!!

I would just like to point out how extremely productive I have been these last few days. Did stats assignment twice, applied for two internships, posted for ENVS, am writing a paper for economic development, hung posters, went for A GLORIOUS walk through the Riverview forest and down the waterfront. Met some urban ducks. They aren't afraid of anything.

For breakfast, I had a bowl of oatmeal with nut butter, jam and soy milk. Paired it with some grapes and cantaloupe, and washed it down with good ol' Yerba Mate.

It's been a while since I've eaten oatmeal. My understanding of the mucilaginous cereal is that it is generally thick, hot, and too much for me to eat. No so, at the Bon. I slurped (a horrid verb) it down much too fast, and I was glad my oatmeal had jam and nut butter in it, because it would have tasted like a warm bowl of nothing otherwise. I couldn't taste the good oatmeal-y flavor, which is one of the aspects of oatmeal I actually enjoy.

I don't know if I will be eating oatmeal in the Bon again, but if I do, I'm certain I will be adding jam and nut butter again.

Lunchtime:

Oooops...forgot that feta is most def not vegan. This is an interesting project, because while I probably know just as much as any vegan on this campus about what is and is not vegan, I keep messing up anyway. It's just this mindset that comes to me when I have so many options, and I forget to even acknowledge veganism. The grilled cheese last night was a choice I made, but today, when I was consciously trying to avoid dairy and eggs, I STILL couldn't do it.


And dinner...chili and salad, with vegan carrot cake with "cheesecake" topping. I'm so skeptical of vegan desserts. In my mind they are generally less healthy than desserts made with wholesome eggs and butter...but the Bon just does such a good job with them. It's hard to resist. HOWEVER, if I can resist the normal desserts, I can most definitely expand that to the vegan ones too. Grab an apple and slather it with nut butter, will ya?

Grilled Cheese.

Today I made a grilled cheese like I've never made before.

I made that childishly ideal grilled cheese that I always dreamt of, but could never have as a child because we never had things like white bread, or presliced cheddar.

It wasn't very good. There's a reason small children prefer grilled cheese more than adults do. White bread and processed cheddar are quite bland. Quite bland indeed. Of course, I did add tomato to it, and used both cheddar and swiss cheese, but the sandwich was still quite bland.

Bland, and yet, undeniably satisfying. Maybe it's because I rarely consume such things, but watch people eat them all the time. Maybe it's because I have been reducing dairy intake (though you'd hardly know it from reading this...). Whatever the reason, there was a bunch of white bread in the freezer, presliced cheese and tomatoes in the fridge, and it was dinner time.

Tomorrow I am going to try to truly eat all carnevegan. The weekend might be harder, because my parents are visiting, and I'm not sure I will be given options as to what I eat. Monday will be the official start day, I think!

Failing.

Failing in so many ways.

If college has taught me anything, it is to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE anything done on the computer. Sometimes even this will not save one from utter catastrophe.

I spent my day in the library, for a total of 12 hours working (on and off...) on a statistics assignment due the next day.

For a while it seemed hopeless that I would ever understand the correct usage of the "confidence interval for the mean" formula.

For dinner I had pizza, salad, and cookies. Not vegan. In any way. But the Trail Room has limited options. That's not to say there weren't vegan options though.

After a brief study sesh with other stats students, I felt more confident in my abilities.

At 2:30 a.m. I saved the excel document, multiple times, uploaded the file to Webdisk, closed excel, and opened the Webdisk file to find THE ENTIRE ASSIGNMENT GONE.

I proceeded to stare blankly at the walls of my room and then rapidly search through my entire computer to make sure I wasn't missing anything. And then I went back to staring for a good 30 minutes.

Finally, I flopped onto my bed, completely exhausted and nothing to show for it.

In addition, I now have no assignment to turn in, and nothing to study for the midterm on Monday, because this was the only assignment of the unit.

I remain exceedingly grateful that the loss of homework is the most extreme problem I face in my life, and that I am privileged enough to have such a problem.

Mocha madness...

So today was interesting. I have really never purposely tried to consume a vegan diet, which is a bit uncouth of me, I suppose, considering the amount of anti-vegan contention I spew from my mouth. Of course, this is the carnevegan diet, not just plain ol' vegan.

I didn't completely follow this diet yet, but I'm easing into it, certainly. This morning I ate no eggs, avoided the yogurt and cottage cheese, but I did put a bit of milk into my coffee. I ate a sandwich with grilled veggies, turkey, lettuce and tomato, leftover from Powershift, half for lunch and half for dinner. I also had some potato-leek soup and orange. Then, THEN, I went to Starbucks, unfortunately, to meet an adviser for the Study Abroad program I'm looking at. I was feeling pretty good about the food I had consumed all day, and feeling rather indulgent, I went in for a tall mocha. Totally forgot about my carneveganism. That will change with time, certainly, but for now, I will be accidentally consuming an extra 300 calories, on occasion, which is better than accidentally consuming an extra 300 calories a night!

I'd also like to stress that this change in diet is for experimental reasons only, and to reduce the ridiculous midnight sugar feasts that take place in college. It may be a few days to a week before I officially start, but I will certainly record the day when it comes. I'm not sure I will give up putting milk in coffee and tea, though I will certainly give up lattes, cappuccinos and mochas. Yerba mate and milk is just too much of a staple in my Bon experience.

Carnivegan

Experiment coming up:

Going to be vegan for a month. Sort of. Vegan plus meat. As far as I know, this kind of diet has rarely been done, because typical are typically vegan for animal cruelty reasons. The closest fad diet to this one would probably be the "Paleo" diet, but the Paleo diet is much more meat-oriented, since filling foods like potatoes, bread, and other grains are off limits.

I am generally not a fan of meat. I don't love bacon, I rarely consume red meats, and I don't really like the taste of chicken or turkey. However, I am of the belief that our bodies, as they have evolved to this point in time, are reliant on animal products. We are indeed omnivores. But sometimes people, and Americans in particular, forget that this means we need lots of fruits and vegetables too.

As an American, I feel extremely lucky to have the option to choose to stop eating cheese and milk, because I can afford to be so choosy. If, at any point in the next month, I am in a situation that demands that I respect cultural or social norms by consuming cheese or milk, I certainly will.

Being vegan for health reasons makes no sense to me. Does eating a bunch of soy and not receiving many nutrients from animal products really sound healthy? No. However, what if occasional portions of meat were added to such a diet?

1. Overall fat and sodium intake would be greatly reduced, since much of this comes from cheese, butter, milk, yogurt, ice cream, etc...
   
2. Soy would not be as heavily relied upon. It is usually grown in a monoculture, just like corn, so it makes no sense to snub corn, yet consume huge levels of tofu, tempeh, and all those other bland soy products.
   
3. Sugar and baked goods intake would also be reduced (at least for me), because I don't care how good vegan muffins, cookies, cakes, pies and other desserts may be-they just aren't the same without butter.
4. Most importantly, nutrients like iron and B12 would be maintained without the use of supplements.

Coffee and Bon Discoveries

I just created one of the greatest grilled cheeses (in theory) that has probably ever existed. I'm sure it has been done before, but I never would have expected such a delightful find in the Bon. The reason my grilled cheese is only great in theory is because I had to make it with a toaster and a microwave, which, as we all know, is an unfortunate way to make anything, if you are expecting the texture to be decent. If this frilled cheese had actually been grilled, it would have truly been the greatest grilled cheese ever created in the Bon.

Anyway, here's what it was:

Basic 9-grain bread (Orowheat or whatever it is)
Basic pre-sliced cheddar cheese (which I typically eschew)
and, here's the great part,
Sun-dried tomato pesto

This does not sound like a genius sandwich, but I will tell you why I deemed it superior to all others. I'm pretty sure the Bon cheated on the sun-dried tomato pesto, and used a large amount of un-dried tomatoes. This rendered the pesto quite tomato-soupy tasting, but less overwhelming. I generally kind of have a problem with tomato soup and grilled cheese, because dipping the grilled cheese in the soup completely overwhelms the flavor of the cheese, which is the best part. This pesto was not overwhelming. The sun-dried tomato flavor was still there, but evenly balanced with basil and tomato-soup flavors, leaving plenty of room for the cheddar flavor. I did use two slices of cheese, to up the cheesy flavor, but this simply left me with a balanced sandwich of summer flavors, with the cozy warmth of fall.

What's more, I finally discovered that raw broccoli is not indeed unpalatable, if it is consumed with a smooth, light hummus. The only problem is that for this, you have to make your own hummus, because almost any hummus found in a store is closer to the consistency of the humus that you would find in your garden than the texture of a dip like pesto.

The more I write, the weirder my descriptions and analogies get.

But there's more.

I know most people make this discovery in like, kindergarten, but I just discovered the effects of caffeine. More like, I just proved the effects on my own body. I've been writing about how tired I have been in the mornings. How unbelievable fatigued I feel and cant even keep my eyes open. So today, after it took me an hour to get out of bed, I decided to experiment. I bought a double shot cappuccino (which made me late for my first class) and slurped it down to judge my alertness during Econ.

What a difference it made! I didn't feel tired all day, and had no problem keeping my eyes open. Which gave me time to glance around the class at the other kids who were having the same problem I usually had. Hilarious. But I was hugely sympathetic at the same time. Anyway, there were other, less desirable consequences to my morning espresso: even though I didn't fall asleep, I couldn't focus at all. My mind was racing from the PioLog, to doodles, to my computer, to what I was going to eat for lunch. I took only half the notes I would take on a tired day.

I guess it comes down to comfort vs. academics. Do I struggle to stay awake, but maintain deep focus, or do I get hyped on caffeine and get distracted? Realistically, I hardly ever follow either of those classes no matter what my mental state is like, so I guess caffeine is better. Right? NO. Espresso every morning=caffeine dependence, and that is a habit I never want to fall into.

I sure wish I could write this rapidly and frankly on my homework assignments.

Houdini Eyeballs a GIANT Burrito Found in the Library.

Sorry that title is so ridiculous. Sounds like something the National Enquirer would write. But really, get ready for some grossness.

So today my eye hurt like all day. I would close it, and my eyes would water and get red, and it looked like I had been crying for years.

I finally decided to inspect the most problematic eye. I was relieved to see a little hair stuck below my eyeball. "I can get that out," I thought. Somehow I managed to wedge my pinkie deep enough into my eye to grab the end of the hair, and I pulled. And pulled. And pulled. And I swear the thing had been wrapped around my brain, because it just kept coming. GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. If I told you the actual length of the hair it would seem much less so. But I'm not exaggerating when I say it was definitely wrapped all the way around to the back of my eye.

Needless to say, I feel much better about my life now, having one less bother in my eye. On the other hand, I didn't get the opportunity to go for a run today. Instead I bound myself to a chair in the library and pretended I was Houdini, but not in the way you may think. It was more of a mental need to escape; escape from the college-kid confusion that was wracking my brain. I was bound to my computer in academia, bound to the library to complete my to-do list, and bound to isolation in order to work through some thoughts ranging from "why is there a WTO website promoting slavery in Africa?" to "why are my eyes burning so vigorously," to "why the fuck does this exist???"

I did manage to escape my library oppression, specifically when I decided these things:
1. The site hasgottobe a fake. Maybe I knew that from the beginning, but I was hoping for a little controversy.
2. There was a massive hair hanging out behind my retina all day. See above.
3. Google Trends tells us that interest in philosophy, musical instruments, history, and art are all becoming less popular (at least as far as Google searches go). The replacement for that, naturally, is Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and the like. Check it out.

All in all, a successful day. Ate a massive burrito, some rice pudding (so much for no sweets...nah, tomorrow shit's gonna get real), and a large breakfast. Not terrible, but not great either. That's what happens when you get consumed by the library and forced into a computer-laced stupor.

Somnolence.

Today I ate only an apple for breakfast, and was feeling pretty lousy by the time lunch rolled around, but not just because I was hungry. For some reason I have been unbelievably tired in my morning classes recently, and no matter how interesting the material is, I have been finding it nearly impossible to keep my eyes open. This is no normal drowsiness. This is uncontrollable fatigue. Finally I started sipping on some water, but would find my eyes closing and my mind shutting down while I was drinking it. I got a good full night's sleep last night, so the only thing I can think to blame the fatigue on is the lack of breakfast...but even that seems strange.

After class, I learned what a dumb test-taker I am, by going over my midterm with the Prof. Unfortunately, all the questions I missed made complete sense, so I just felt like an idiot. But a more confident idiot.

At lunch, however, I had one of the most delicious Bon sandwiches ever, complete with smoked ham, bacon-leek goat cheese, tomato, and cucumber on sourdough bread. Not the most healthy choices, but sometimes you just have to take what they hand you. I'm not complaining. Had a good ol' conversation with a good ol' friend who was having an equally unfortunate day. Sometimes those make for the best talks.

Hopefully I will get some work done, and go for a walk this afternoon, if all goes smoothly. So far today, no candy, no cookies, no dessert of any kind.


So. I went for an epic walk, but when I got back, I ate some potato leek soup, and made some rice pudding. Too much.

Here is a guess at the rice pudding recipe I made today:

Cinnamon Roll Rice Pudding:

Combine over medium heat until simmering:
1/4 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 can evaporated milk
1 tbsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp vanilla extract

Simmer until slightly thickened-should leave a thin layer on a spoon dipped in mixture.


In separate pot, bring to a simmer:
1 1/2 cups arborio rice
2 cups water
2 1/2 cups 2% milk

Cook, covered, over low heat for 20 minutes, or until liquid is absorbed. Add cinnamon mixture to rice, plus:
1 cup 2% milk

Cook until thickened. To test this, place a spoon with the pudding in the freezer, and see if it thickens to pudding consistency.

At this point, take the pudding off the heat, and cool briefly. Stir in:
1 cup sour cream

Serve rice pudding warm or refrigerated, with vanilla wafer cookies.

November 1st. Candyland.

It's the day after Halloween. It's the day that might officially be the worst day of the year to start eating well, avoiding sweets, and boycotting baked goods.

There is a fun size Three Musketeers wrapper and an Almond Joy wrapper sitting on the table in front of me. This is the empirical proof that I lack any kind of self-control when it comes to sugar, chocolate, and other delicious foods.


Halloween is a good day to make an exception to this lack of self-control. But not the day after, or the day after that, or the day after that. Unfortunately, almost every day I'm in college seems to be an exception. Pumpkin cake for roommates birthday? Of course! Wine Wednesday? How could I not? Free Voodoo doughnuts and coffee? It's free. Farmers market? Potluck with friends? Dinner at the best restaurant in Portland? There is never a reason not to partake in these joyous activities every single day. Except, of course, the fact remains that I am consuming far too much food, sucking up too much sugar, and gaining too much weight to consider myself a healthy college student anymore.

Today hasn't been bad, necessarily, considering that it is indeed November 1st. Had an apple for breakfast, jam and nut-butter sandwich (fuck YEAH nut butter) with veggies and dip for lunch, and these two fun size candy bars. This afternoon I went for an epic adventure (aka, a walk) and got rather disoriented, which led to a longer walk than expected. Which is always good. We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Going to the "Trailroom" tonight. Veggie burger and salad? Sounds delish.

Made crackers this evening. The trickiest part about crackers is cutting them so perfectly uniform that they all bake at the exact same rate. We have all experienced that one saltine that was just slightly tinged brown around the edges, yet the delicate taste was absolutely ruined. Half my crackers were like this. Most of the rest lacked solid crunch in the middle. There were a few perfect ones. This is why most people don't make crackers. This is also why I will be making crackers again. Soon.